The Beginning

I woke up with that thought this morning. This is not just the end of my fasting, it's the beginning of the time when I need to do better than I have done. To treat my body better, and by doing so, feel better.

I admit that brings me some anxiety. Ten days is the "normal" term for the Master Cleanse, and so on the one hand I'm proud of myself for getting this far and for being true to my intentions. On the other hand, I am fully aware that the same temptations are out there awaiting me. Sugar, bread, late night eating, emotional binges - all the things that I was battling before didn't magically disappear in a week and a half. Just as I made the decision to take a break from food, I now have to make the decision to reintroduce food that nourishes, fuels, and sustains me.

One of my online buddies has chatted and blogged about the importance of perspective when it comes to eating right. She has been a Weight Watchers counselor fors some time, and she counsels that it's key to look at healthy eating as a choice you're making for a better you, and not so much as a denial of all these things that are tough to give up. That resonates with me.

Because I have a laundry list of food intolerances and have trouble with some foods that for other people are beneficial, I often wear that like a heavy cross. When I'm more rational, I think of it more like a gift. Most of the things I'm allergic to or can't tolerate well (dairy, eggs, wheat, corn, caffeine, chocolate, wine, vinegar, yeast) just bulk me up or make me downright sick when I consume them. Admittedly they taste good, but if I see them as the system clogging substances that they actually are, they hold less appeal. My ideal eating plan includes all the vegetables I can stand, and most meats. Not bad, right? So many options there.

I am grateful for some of the clear and complete thoughts that have come to me over the last 10 days. One in particular I will carry with me. The way I use (or abuse) food is my choice. I'm blessed to live in a time and place and financial standing that allows me to eat the way I want, the way I should. I can choose to be reckless or responsible with that blessing. So at least one resolve has come of this realization: the way I eat must be a choice I renew EVERY day.

I am going to work at putting food in it's rightful place - something to be enjoyed in moderation, and to be used as fuel for all the things I want to accomplish. When traveling for work, I will find good alternatives to airport food and hotel vending machines (Anywhere I travel has a local grocery store). When good options are not available, I will drink plenty of water and wait until it is. I will take my time when deciding what to eat, and I will not eat late just because it's been several hours since my last meal.

I don't know if I'll write again about this experience today, so I'll finish up with a big THANK YOU. So many of you have reached out to send your support and it has helped more than I can express. This is one of those endeavors that might seem crazy to some, but in typical fashion you have only been kind and shared just the positive feedback and encouragement that I needed. Thanks for sticking with me while I externally processed all this.

For my friends still on this journey over the next several days, or for those considering a start - You CAN give yourself this gift. I've got my pom poms out for you, and a ready and willing ear.

Kapalua Coastal Trail, Maui

Have a FANTASTIC weekend all!

9...

I've started this post in my mind several times, and just didn't have the spare moments to string together sentences. Today has been a tough one, surprisingly so. I hesitate to write that lest I discourage someone, but there it is - today was tough. I've been really really hungry for much of the day. Not the kind of passing tummy rumblings that I've already learned to take in stride, then ignore. A real, gnawing hunger. The kind that won't be ignored, and the kind that the lemonade hasn't been quenching for long. It has caught me completely by surprise.

Even more surprising? I still don't feel tempted to eat. I really think my brain wrapped itself around the idea that this is a necessary reset for me right now, and that sacrifices must be made. The growling I hear now reminds me that my digestive system is fully functional, and it makes me mindful and aware. So much of my eating is often done unconsciously. I was at a point of snacking so often a few weeks ago, that I can't think of a time when I waited to feel anything resembling hunger before feeding my face. That right there is the BIGGEST habit I need to break. Eating for fuel is necessary. Eating out of boredom, as relief from some activity I resent, or for temporary distraction is counter-productive.

So though this hunger is powerful, it's also feeding a motivation that I'm going to need when this fast ends. Eat when I'm hungry. Not a new concept, just one I need to embrace.

Daddy did an awesome science lesson today with the girls on seeds and plants. It was the perfect day for collecting, and I'm proud of how much their little minds can soak up when they are really interested and engaged:

8 of 10

Last night was tough - I felt so down emotionally and just didn't feel like being productive after a certain point in the evening. Thankfully that resulted in an early bedtime and an early wake-up this morning.

I started out doing some Pilates and was stopped cold by a sharp pain in my lower abdomen (turns out it was some trapped air). I did the salt water flush to help clear things out and it worked like a dream!

Since this morning I have had an energy I can barely describe. I re-started (and finished) the 40 minute Pilates workout, then I cleaned my bathroom, did some work, cleaned up my kitchen, and went back to more work.

I want to remember this feeling - this energy. The way I'm feeling at this moment is exactly why I can/should/will continue to stick with this cleansing practice. I had a thought while cleaning a mirror...I have a fairly high energy level for most activities, but it has to be unlocked. It's always there at the surface, but I need a very deliberate kick start. I want to leverage that more and use it to greater benefit. By keeping my body and mind clearer, I can make much better use of it.

On another topic, but still along the lines of energy and the right kind of stimuli, I'm a BIG fan of spoken word poetry, like the kind showcased on Russell Simmons' Def Poetry Jam.

Saul Williams is one of my favorites - when you have five minutes, use it to digest and enjoy this wonderful poem called Coded Language

5

*Photos courtesy of our Super Saturday tradition - a day out at Okeeheelee Park

Day 5 dawned well. No headache this morning and the neck/shoulder/back stiffness I'm so used to waking up with was noticeably absent. I've read a lot about how what we eat can affect joints and various aches and pains. This is pretty tangible proof that I needed to do this cleanse - constant pain is something I've come to live with, and the lack of it is very very welcome. It is also a good motivator for the "after" phase of this cleanse. I took the girls out to a park we love yesterday and let them get some sun on their skin. I had some very noticeable up and down moments. What I feel now is no longer really hunger, not stomach rumbling or anything like that.

It's mostly momentary feelings of missing food and the part it usually plays in a day out, or a weekend that is relaxed and fun. I notice myself thinking about what I'll snack on when I get home, then immediately reminding myself that that's not actually going to happen. I've made several meals over the last couple of days so the kitchen is no longer off limits. I do notice that I look inside my pantry with a very different perspective as of this morning though.

For someone who is sort of known for "healthy" eating, I sure do have a lot of snacks in there. I'll have to do better to create a no fail environment when this fast has come to an end. Speaking of the end, I still feel completely resolved to going the entire 10 days, and have even considered going longer. I do have a bit of a hard stop though because we leave for a trip to attend a wedding on the 15th. If I were the bride (one of my closest friends) I might feel a way about someone showing up and politely declining the plate of food I just payed a bunch of money to provide :0) Actually, the real reason is that with the liquid limitations and what it takes to make the lemonade, it's not really practical for a cross-country plane trip. I'm thinking that if I do extend it, I'll go for 12 days at least and then be really strict about what I re-introduce over the period of the vacation. Probably start out with raw foods only until wedding stuff is in full swing.

Results so far? Loving the way my skin looks - already down 9 pounds, and sleeping very well at night. I haven't had any epiphanies or significant moment of clarity yet, but I'm looking forward to that based on past experience. Starting today, I'll be doing some aggressive exercise too (Pilates) to firm up the areas that are looking a little less wobbly than they were last week. Today was also the 2nd day I did the salt water flush - more on that in another post...

In the meantime I'm indulging some major startitis and casting on for whatever moves me at the moment. I think my new resolve is not to let UFOs stress me out anymore unless they are for a gift deadline. So much easier to dive into my stash and put some things on the needles whenever the mood strikes.






I'll spend some time today on my Slouchy Copy Cat Hat.


Really happy with the color of this yarn. I'm using some mods posted by Carlybee on Ravelry.

Happy stitching all!

Spring Cleaning

THANK YOU to everyone who has sent such lovely compliments on my Tropicana Jaden. The joy of finishing was just about equal to the effort to get it off the needles. I really appreciate that you took the time to come by and celebrate its debut with me.

Today marks the 1st day of the month with the clearest signs of spring showing up everywhere. This change of season has many of us clearing out, cleaning up, and feeling renewed.

For the next several days, I'll be doing some internal "clean up" using this plan. My body and brain tell me I'm ready. I may use this blog space as a log of how things are going, or I may just stick to our regularly scheduled knitting content, not sure yet. Likely it will be a mixture of both.



Happy Spring!

(And no, this is not an April Fools Day joke, I actually am going to fast from food for 10 days. Knitting therapy don't fail me now!)